Tomorrow is a big day. You can follow along with this website to get information on both our statuses, or doesderekhaveanewliver.com will give you the one word answer. Thank you everyone for the kind words, encouragement, and thoughts so far. Tomorrow, take some time out of your day to enjoy the sun and fantastic temperature for us.
Today is a day of reflection and anticipation. There are a lot of feelings swirling around in both our heads; the journey into the future that we both have chosen, and memories of the past with this disease. We both have said we’ve been training for this moment our whole lives and we truly believe what we say. It hasn’t just been since Logan’s transplant approval, or my transplant listing, or the initial diagnosis, but really and truly for all our lives.
I’ve been dealing with a known chronic illness since 2001. There have been times with the Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis and Ulcerative Colitis that it seemed unbearable and there are things I’m not proud of, but those days comprise a small portion of my life. Even during those times, I’ve surrounded myself with close friends and family who could empathize. My shame and depression were self-instigated. I know I’ve surrounded myself with the best source of inspiration and support as possible every day including up until this moment. I feel like there are a lot of people watching with encouragement and backing me up. It’s very powerful, and I want to make you all proud. The best way I know how to make others proud is to give it my full effort; Logan is giving her full effort, including part of her body, to make me better. There’s no better source of inspiration than seeing the person you love with your heart and soul willing to go through pain to make you a better person. The only way I can reciprocate is to become that better person; working with the surgeons to make the surgery as uncomplicated and successful as possible, and train myself back into shape as part of recovery.
I am scared and have fear about many things associated with this surgery. Surprisingly, it’s not dying; its the complications and concern that I might not feel better. I’m scared I won’t succeed. I’m channeling those feelings to challenge myself, just like I have for every major event in my life and this is why I say I’ve been training for this my whole life. I am ready to take on the challenge, and I’m the most capable of anyone I know to succeed.
Here’s what I’ll be listening to today, and maybe in the car ride tomorrow morning going to the hospital:
- The Star Spangled Banner, the Jimi Hendrix version from Woodstock, since this song is played before almost every major sporting event and reminds me to get ready for the event.
- AC/DC Thunderstruck. Nothing helps a person get pumped up more than AC/DC.
- The Byrds Turn, Turn, Turn. A little reflection and acknowledgement that there is a time for everything, and that time is now.
- Styx Come Sail Away. See this earlier post.
Here’s the dueling cello version of Thunderstruck:
Let’s do this thing.